Saturday 10 April 2021

Hamster's Wheels

EXTERIOR. DAY. HAMSTER is walking through the wasteland.

HAMSTER (TO CAMERA): So, you've seen the orangutan's Jag, and been mightily underwhelmed by Captain Slow's taxi... tank... thing. Now let me show you how to approach the world after the end with a little more finesse.

CUT TO roads clogged with burnt out cars, rubble, and craters.

HAMSTER (VO): You see, with their big, lumbering vehicles, those two are bound to get bogged down and fall easy prey to cannibals or mutant hedgehogs or whatever we're going to have to deal with this week.

No, this situation calls for agility, so my first thought was, of course, a bike.

(A motorcycle picks through the debris. We can't identify the rider.)

HAMSTER (VO): That has some problems though.

(A machine gun opens fire on the motorcycle, hitting it and the rider several times. The bike crashes in a fireball.)

CUT TO the OVERLOADED MINI. HAMSTER walks around it.

HAMSTER (To camera): So here's my solution - a 1991 Mini Cooper, with a few modifications. 

The aim is combine agility with enough protection to see me through life outside the settlements. The Mini is small enough to make its way through the obstacles in the way, and I've been able to attach armour plating in a few key places.

I've also fitted a roof rack, and filled it with fuel, ammo and provisions.

I'll need the ammo for the machine gun mounted on the bonnet - so I can deal with any problems that I can't drive around by shooting them. Shooting them a lot.

JEZZA and JAMES arrive.

HAMSTER: It's good, isn't it?

JEZZA: It's absurd. Can it even move under that weight?

HAMSTER: Of course it can! Remember the one I had in India? This thing's a warhorse.

JAMES: "Mini masher"? Is it a kitchen implement?

JEZZA: Your machine gun is mounted on the bonnet. 

HAMSTER: Yeah. I can shoot it from inside, it goes through the windscreen, look.

JEZZA: So when it breaks down, you can't actually service it?

JAMES: Not without disarming yourself, anyway...

HAMSTER: You two don't understand great design. Let's get on the road!

As you'll have gathered, I'm still mucking about with toy cars, and working on my frankly nonsensical 7TV Apocalypse project. It's amazing the things you find time for when you can't actually play any games.

Hamster's mini is definitely my favourite of these so far, but I've still got more to come. 

In the same vein, I've also painted a cameraman!

I have a profile card for him that Karl from Crooked Dice kindly gave me a while ago. I've got a vague idea of having crew as a separate cast, or as things that move automatically, or... something.

Anyway! I'm also keeping up the plan of working on my Bolt Action Japanese at the same time, so here's the latest on those:

Right then, numbers time. 

Painted: 28

Acquired: 31

Lead pile reduction: -3

I'm almost back at where I was at the start of the year!


  1. I was hoping that it would actually be a Hamster Wheel with Hammond inside, or a General Grievous sort of affair.

    I'm not saying the mini doesn't look good, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. :)